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Post by Lukas Greene on Aug 24, 2007 19:51:22 GMT -5
It was a stupid notion, to think that you could prove to someone in one hour what should be earned over the course of month, possibly years. He had though childishly, in the way that he thought that once meeting someone, he could instantly be their friend. But that wasn’t the way things worked, particularly as you got older, and especially as you were dealing with someone from another clique. For Lukas, he was used to, after his initial entitlement to popularity, instantly becoming friends with whoever else was in the clique, and not having to worry about the opinions of everyone else.
But here he was, fretting over what this girl thought more than he had over anyone’s judgment for a long time, or perhaps ever. He felt slightly embarrassed for his rash comments, attempting to forge a friendship immediately in the superficial way that only the populars did. And then ended up gossiping behind the person that they had just spoken with. It was a Mean Girls sort of philosophy of life. Mention to a girl how much you love her skirt, probably saving her from the path of depression by being spoken to so kindly by the girl, and then turning back to your friends as she left to have a repulsed look on your face. Not that Lukas had ever watched such a chick flick sort of movie…
“Yeah… That makes sense. I mean, it isn’t as though you can just trust any stranger with any secret, right? Particularly some stranger that you have every right to hate, or at least distrust.” He felt himself rambling yet again, an attribute that most accompanied with nervousness, and perhaps for good reason. “But, I mean could it help if that stranger entrusted someone like that to, per say, their own sort of secret? It would certainly lessen the tension for the latter, if I, I mean the stranger were to do something of that sort, would it not?” And just like that, he had gone ahead and said something stupid, yet again. But it was as though Lukas wished to share all about his family, his past, everything that had ever happened to him, with Laken.
He took into account the first portion of what she said, noting to mind each thing that would make her more willing to allow him into her already filled and scheduled life. But it was the second part of what she said that drew his attention. “You think that I am someone of significance, just because I have all these ‘friends’?” He felt as though he was lashing with his words, though his tone wasn’t harsh. “You think that any of these people truly will care when I’m gone? They won’t even notice if someone in their posse dies, or they’ll get over it pretty quickly and won’t write or text or call or anything after I move. Their conversations are all one-way, they never listen to anything I say, ever. They just bring the conversation back to them, in any way possible, only wanting to talk about them. Just them!” He paused for just a moment, but not long enough to allow her a moment of room to speak in. “You are, by far, the most significant person I have met in my life, save for my adoptive parents and the nurse who rose me until I was one. Because, you know what? My mom died giving birth to me, and my dad walked right out of that hospital, left his son there, and put a gun to his head. That’s the only reason why I need to be popular, I don’t want anyone leaving me like that again. But everyone does, anyway.” His voice began to crack as he told her all this, his voice only rising slightly but still not disturbing the people around them.
“I care what you think, because this past half hour, hour, however long I’ve been here, I think I may have just fallen for you, Laken. And I don’t know why, or how, but there is something about you that just makes me want to kiss you. And no matter what I throw at you, no matter how hinting or abrupt I am, you seem to think that, somehow, I’m better than you, above you, in a way that I would never actually be thinking what I say. Or say what I think. Or- I don’t know, you’re the smart one. And I don’t know if you have a boyfriend or you like someone or anything, but I know, for sure, that I like you.”
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Post by Laken Rose Cullens on Aug 25, 2007 10:41:07 GMT -5
If brains could literally explode, the people in the coffee shop would be quickly splattered in Laken's brain. The reaction in her brain was equivalent to a nuclear bomb just being dropped. It just exploded. She was sure there was smoke coming out of her ears, though she knew that was impossible also. Nothing she'd done thus far could have prepared her for the confessions that Lukas had just given. She was not expecting this, it being the farthest thing from her mind because like he said, she did think he was better than her therefore the kind of things he just spewed out did not happen.
As he went on talking, her mouth fell open ever so slightly, just enough to be noticed. Her blue eyes watched his face the whole time. Confusion for the sudden outburst of words, sadness for his life story, shock for the confession that he did have a thing for her, and a tad bit of defiance for she would not let herself fall for him. She couldn't, it would go against everything she was for.
Well, what was she for? Wasn't she just preaching that labels don't matter, that it's really whats on the inside that truly counts? Not how someone acts around their group when they're in front of an overly judgmental student body but how they act behind closed doors? How could she even think about not giving Lukas a chance just because he was in a certain group, which she secretly had a dislike for? Laken would be a hypocrite if she didn't which was worse than being dead.
If Laken was honest with herself, which she was willing to be at this point, she would find that she liked him too. She would find that his confession of feelings for her was exactly what she was hoping for. She would find that she too just wanted to reach across the space between them and kiss like nobody was around. She was trying to be honest with herself. As soon as she tried, Kyle's face popped into her mind. What in the world was she going to do about him?
Everything else he said faded into the background. Laken hadn't said a word yet, she was just thinking things over, a habit that she has always had; think things over first, act second. She knew she'd have to address his past eventually, she knew she would have to tell him that she did think he was far more significant than she, she knew she would have to tell him that there was a price for being popular; unloyal friends. She knew all the things she would have to say once she dealt with the fact that if she was really, truly, one hundred percent honest with herself, she was going to hurt Kyle.
As her mouth closed and her face came back to life, she looked at him, a hint of anger in her eyes. "Why in the world did you have to tell me this?" she asked, slightly hysterical sounding. "Why did you have to start liking me? Why, why, why?! Couldn't you have lied to me and tell me otherwise?" Laken knew she wasn't being fair to the boy. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't anyone's fault but hers. She placed the blame on Lukas so she could feel better about this, but she knew it wasn't truly on him. It was truly on herself.
"I have a date in a few days with a boy who just so happens to be very nice. He's very sensitive, very kind, very... emo," she said. Why did this have to happen? Why did he have to fall for her and she fall for him? If it was a one sided feeling, Laken could have handled Lukas not having feelings for her. She would go on the date with Kyle and ignore them and be with him. It would have been easy.
"Plus, I have boys that like me lined up around the block," she said, exaggerating. She assumed for now that Kyle liked her, for the sake of this argument. She assumed Isaac liked her for the sake of this argument, though she hadn't seen him around for a while. "Are you willing to take part of the guilt for breaking their hearts? Knowing that they would be happier if I don't tell you how I feel in return?"
She knew how she felt. Laken knew she liked him. She knew she liked him better than Kyle or any other boy she would meet. He could make her laugh, he could be serious, he seemed to try hard to please her. Why wouldn't she like him? She could predict a very balanced boyfriend and that is what she needed, not one extreme or the other. Not overly sensitive and quiet and not overly jerky and loud.
Laken put her head down on the table, her chin resting on her book, her eyes looking up at him desperately. She wrapped her arms around her book, turning her head to the side to face him better. Her blue eyes held all the emotion she felt; happy, hysterical, upset, angry, worried, sad, and like she wanted to puke. The thought of hurting someone was not something she was very fond of. She tried her hardest not to hurt someone. Plus, the knowledge of Lukas's past was stewing her in subconscious and all the things she would say when she got past hurting people.
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Post by Lukas Greene on Aug 25, 2007 21:43:25 GMT -5
When he had told her that he wished to kiss her, he had very nearly done so, right then and there. But having just met her, he thought that she would most likely pull away, stricken, slap him across the face, and walk out on him. But as her words hit him like blows to the gut, he felt as though he should have kissed her instead. He had thought that she would have felt the same, had felt as though the two were, perhaps, making a connection of sorts, and had thought that she would say anything but what she announced just then. His eyes stung as she spoke, her words venomous and his heart exposed. It took every ounce of his will to sit and listen to her, versus walking out and never having to deal with what she said, running away from the pain, as he realized for the first time he had been doing all his life.
But here he was, finally here to take the pain like the man that he had once believed he was. “Because… I- I love you?” He spoke the sentence as a question, testing out the phrase, as if his lips had never moved in quite that way, his throat had never uttered such a sound. He had never said that to a girl, figuring that it was too strong of something, too much to devote to one soul. And here he was, quietly talking to someone who had been a complete stranger only an hour ago. And he instantly knew he was crazy. But also crazy in love.
“Oh.” Of course, with her looks, she would have a date. Of course, with her personality, she would have plenty of aspects. And of course, with her intelligence, she could keep a guy with her for more than a few months. Why had he thought that she would feel slightly the same? What had overcome him to expose his heart in such a way that she could tear it out without a second thought? “Well… I… Sorry?” He wasn’t sure what to say around her any more. Wished that he could find the humor that they had shared minutes ago, what seemed like years. He felt like a bad puppy, and that he should go back to his corner and sit there, tail between his legs, and look at her, asking for forgiveness.
He couldn’t meet her eyes, for fear of losing control of emotions. He was water in all its forms: Gentle; for he did not wish to hurt her, Fury; for there was someone else, Icy; for he tried to maintain his emotions as they were, Droplets; for now he felt alone and isolated. He stood up then, his cardboard cup long empty, and said submissively, “I- Should I be going then?” He longed for her to ask him to stay, for her to say something, anything, other than yes. But he knew, or thought he knew, that she would say he should go, and so he tried to put a last bit of humor into it, though his heart felt empty and he was sore with emotional pain. “The men in the white coats might find me, so I’d better go into hiding.”
Will you come with me? Will you run away with me, and never look back?
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Post by Laken Rose Cullens on Aug 25, 2007 23:44:35 GMT -5
The first words out of his mouth were I love you. She'd just gotten done placing all the blame on him for her problem, she'd just gotten done sounding like the meanest person on the face of the planet, she'd just gotten done being a horrible person and here he was, telling Laken that he loved her. The words cut into her like a sharp dagger that was on fire. Nothing could have hurt worse for the pain was not only heavy with guilt but with the same feelings he had for her.
Laken knew that she couldn't ignore it. She knew that she would have to end up hurting someone in the end. It was always like that, wasn't it? Being pretty, being nice, having lots of friends; she knew people said all these things but she didn't believe in them herself. She figured this was the price of having people regard her so highly; always having to hurt someone. It was her punishment, she figured, for being how she was. At that moment, she hated who she was.
All she could do was sit there. He apologized for her problems. How was she suppose to react? Instantly perk up and tell him it's okay? Well, it wasn't okay. It wouldn't be okay, it would never be okay. Besides, it wasn't his fault. She knew he shouldn't be apologizing but she didn't stop him, didn't say anything in return. Words just seemed insignificant right now, like they could never fix anything.
Mentally kicking herself, Laken hated being so dramatic right now. It just added onto the fact that she was really starting to hate who she was. If she could jump off a bridge, she would gladly do it. It would be easier, wouldn't it? Then she wouldn't have to choose between people, hurt anyone ever again, and it would all be gone. People were one of the things that mattered most to this girl; grades, people, their feelings, organization, and rules. They were all tied for the first spot of things most important to her.
She saw Lukas stand up. She just figured he was throwing away his coffee cup. It was a normal thing to do. Besides, he probably wanted to get away from her. She was a horrible person and Laken wouldn't blame him if he got up, threw away his coffee cup, and just walked right out the door. It would hurt her but she would deal with it. Better her to be the one hurting than someone else.
Then, she heard him speak. As soon as the words should I go escaped Lukas's lips, Laken's head quickly shot up and she was sitting straight again in her chair, panic replacing everything else. "No, no, please, don't leave. I don't want you to go. Stay with me, please?" she asked, her words slowly sounding more and more desperate as she spoke. She didn't want to lose him, not now, not before she even had him. It wouldn't seem right to let him leave, she didn't want him to.
She smiled at his last words, all be it weak, it was still amused. "Don't worry about the men in white... I'll keep you safe."
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Post by Lukas Greene on Aug 26, 2007 0:52:33 GMT -5
She had proven him wrong once again, something that, if he could, he would grow accustomed to. But as it went, he doubted that, after this moment in his life, he would ever have another chance with her. Perhaps in the hall she would glance at him once again, shyly acknowledging him, but no more. Maybe one day, while standing on the balcony, he would find her up there, gazing into this other boy’s eyes, and his insides would cave in such a way that they never had before; a way that no amount of moving and running, new found loves and thrills and chills, would ever be able to replace or rebuild. And at that moment, Lukas knew what it meant to be in love, understood the pressure, the joy, and all the other mixed, confused, disoriented emotions that came flooding along with it, just there for the wild rush of the ride.
Her words, soft, gentle, kind, caring; but also mixed within sorrow, anger, fatigue… He couldn’t place all the many lost feelings that were dwelling within her, and at that moment he felt as though, maybe, the best thing would be for him to just walk away, making her decision the easiest possible, perhaps only breaking one heart forever, leaving the others to mend and be together, for who more to love her then an emo boy, someone who has so much love within him to give? But he knew, deep in his heart, in his soul, and even as far as his subconscious that he could do no such thing, never just walk out on her, without having given himself somewhat of a chance.
He desperately wanted to believe that she would, desperately wanted for her to tell him that everything would be okay, that everything was okay, and that she would forever hold him and cherish him. But he knew that she couldn’t say that, even he, more outgoing than her in that sort of way, would never be able to say that in this place, at this moment in time. He answered merely by sitting. How he longed to sit next to her as he had earlier, but he couldn’t, in that care free, humorous sort of aspect. And he never could again, relive that moment, he would always be thought of differently by her, which was quite possibly not a good thing.
“How can you, if you wish to be with this other boy? I can’t possibly allow you to just abandon this other boy… You aren’t that sort of person, wouldn’t, wouldn’t- hurt someone like that…” He stopped, afraid to go on for what he might say, something stupid, something wrong, or for what would happen if his voice cracked and he couldn’t continue. But he couldn’t leave her with those words, and so he continued carefully, “How can you possibly- possibly give that to me, promise that to me, if you’re… It’s obvious that you like him, as well. And I don’t even know if you like me… Though I guess you can’t hate me if I’ve been allowed to stay this long.” He dwindled off, not wishing to ramble to himself nor seem as though reciting wedding vows.
“I just don’t think that you can do that. Split yourself in that many ways. And if- if you just can’t do that… Then, I guess, I could just, I don’t know… I’ll let you stay with this guy if that’s what you need. Or want. I just, yeah I guess I love you. But-” He couldn’t continue, just wanted her to understand.
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Post by Laken Rose Cullens on Aug 26, 2007 19:30:04 GMT -5
He said it again. I love you, the three words that most girls would love to hear from a man, probably from this man specifically as well. They stung not because she didn't return the feelings. No, she most definitely returned the feelings and that is what caused the words to hurt so much. She knew she couldn't ignore this, that fact slowly dawning on her the more and more she sat there with him. It hurt so much because those words that she wanted to hear would end up hurting someone else.
He also was being so nice to her. She didn't deserve that sort of kindness, that sort of love and caring from a person. She didn't deserve him to be so understanding, to be so accepting. Laken knew she wasn't a good enough person to deserve that, to deserve him when he was willing to be so kind and seemed like he would deal with whatever crap she launched at him. She definitely did not deserve to be treated so kindly, not when she'd been mean earlier. It made her want him more, to keep hearing those three words that caused so much pain at the present moment.
Looking at Lukas, Laken knew she had to make up her mind. She wasn't one of those people to sit around and see what happens. No, she was a person to make decisions, make them to the best of her abilities, and let it go from there. It wasn't hard for her to see that she wanted to pick Lukas over Kyle. Well, actually, it was hard because Kyle was one of her really close friends. Actually, truthfully, she didn't know if the boy liked her at that point in time. She just assumed he did, having that be what she wanted.
That made the decision a lot easier. Granted, Laken wasn't stupid. She could read body language quiet well, she could tell that he liked her. It wasn't something that was hard. She'd acted like she liked him too, and she did. Now, a few days before their date, someone else got thrown into the mix. Of course, life could never be simple. She had to choose though and she wouldn't leave Lukas to sit and fret over it either.
"I love you, too," she said. It was sincere but laced with that were the other emotions that she was feeling. She hoped that answered everything he asked, all the doubts he had. In a way, it was the answer to everything.
Laken would wait for his reaction to say the other thing she had to say before they could clear things up between the two of them.
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Post by Lukas Greene on Aug 26, 2007 23:05:05 GMT -5
His breath caught in his throat, and for a moment he wasn’t sure whether he was dying or feeling a rush of life like never before. The cogs in his mind were wheeling, but they suddenly screeched to a rusty halt. It was the perfect time for his mouth to gape, a line of drool clinging to it on its journey to reach the table beneath him, but he was in fact drool free; a good thing considering what she had just said.
“Wha?” He could have said that as his mind began turning again, he uttered a response of intelligent language. More what happened was that he was confused by what she said, after what she has replied harshly to earlier, he thought that she was mad, not- in love with him. “I need to talk to you. I mean, a real talk. Not this guarded one. Because there are so many things that I need to tell you, that you need to know, before I really want you to say that.” But in his mind, his thoughts reeled, Say it again! Say it again and kiss me! But he knew that, to be honest with himself in a good way, he had to be honest with her.
He didn’t wish for her to regret what she had just said, knew that he nearly regretted when he had said it earlier, and so he said, more calmly, “I need to talk to you, but after that, if you’ll still take me, that is, I would love to go out with you.” His voice exercised caution, not wishing to cause her more grief than what had already been given. “Because, right now, I think we need to get to know each other a little better.”
[Ack, sorry it’s not that great or anything. =/]
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Post by Laken Rose Cullens on Aug 27, 2007 11:25:12 GMT -5
A light laugh escaped her lips, though it lacked most of the humor. It wasn't because something was that was a funny, it was because something was said that was totally insane. "That I need to know? What about the things you need to know?" she said to Lukas. If he could confess his feelings without knowing anything about her, she should to.
He had a point though, Laken knew that. Love at first sight was something she believed in though, just as much as she believed in fate, soul mates, and all that other cute romantic stuff. It was the type of her person she was; a romantic at heart, waiting to be swept off her feet and carried away by her prince charming on a beautiful white horse. Yes, that is what she wanted though that wasn't the way she acted. It was better for her to not really have anyone know she was big of a softy at heart. She was sure people suspected she was though.
She would get to know him better first, if that's what he wanted. Letting her shoulders raise and drop, she said, "Whatever you want." It worked for her benefit though, him wanting more time. Laken could still successfully go on her little date with Kyle and not have to worry about keeping things from not happening. She did like him, not love him, but like was enough to get hormones stirring and things to happen. She could let all that happened with a clean conscious and not have to worry about hurting him there or keeping things in check.
"Besides, I can still go on my date with Kyle then," she said matter of factly, her voice getting back to it's usual upbeat self. Laken had time. At this moment, she had time to fix everything, to get everything sorted out, and it would all be okay. It would be perfect in the end. Besides, a boy just confessed his love for her. She should be happy anyway, not worried and depressed.
Well, she had time as of right now. Who knew if Lukas would change his mind once he knew Laken still planned on going on a date with Kyle.
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